A painting of me

Giovanni's Room

   21 February 2006, late evening

I’m reading Giovani’s Room now, which was written back in 1956. The book is about a man trying to come to terms with his homosexuality—at least this is what I think it is about after reading the first few chapters of the book. The book is quite good so far.

‘Love him,’ said Jacques, with vehemence, ‘love him and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaver really matters? And how long, at the best, can it last? since you are both ben and still have everywhere to go? Only five minutes, I assure you, only five minutes, and most of that, hellas! in the dark. And if you think of them as dirty, then they will be dirty—they will be dirty because you will be giving nothing, you will be despising your flesh and his. But you can make your time together anything but dirty, you can give each other something which will make both of you better—forever—if you will not be ashamed, if you will only not play it safe.’ He paused, watching me, and then looked down to his cognac. ‘You play it safe long enough,’ he said, in a different tone, ‘and you’ll end up trapped in your own dirty body, forever and forever and forever—like me.’

I wonder how many homosexuals still feel a strong compulsion to hide (or deny) their sexual orientation. I think one of the things that made Brokeback Mountain so depressing was the internal conflict of Heath Ledger’s character.

 

Comments

  1. One of the guys at my school denied being gay for like 3 years. Everyone called him gay for like 3 years and he would just say he wasn’t or say “I’m christian I can’t be gay.” When he did come out I don’t think people really cared, but his parents kicked him out of the house for a while.

  2. Well I suppose that would be why people keep these things to themselves.

  3. Personally I think gay guys are nice; most of them are good-looking, too :-)

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