Star Wars II : Attack of the Clones

   19 May 2004, lunch time

I watched Attack of the Clones again recently with Mezan. I remember when it came out I told everyone I thought it was better then Spiderman. I think I would still have to stand by that. I might have a bias towards a film that features plenty of juicy Bounty Hunter action. Also, it does reveal a lot more about how shit went down before the next three Star Wars films. I only wish George Lucas would hand over his script to someone talented, who would then rewrite the crap he spits out. Also, I wish he would sit his ass down somewhere on his ranch, and let someone talented direct the movies as well. I don’t know when it happened, but at some time during the past 20 years or so, he became a giant hack.

If you haven’t seen Star Wars II then this exchange sums it up nicely (taken from an edited script of the movie):

NATALIE PORTMAN
Don’t look at me like that.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
Why not?

NATALIE PORTMAN
Because it could get you arrested
anywhere else, you fucking creep.

Also, I would be remiss if I didn’t include my favourite line in the film:

As they fight, SAMUEL L. MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON comes in
and puts a lightsaber to TEMUERA’S neck. He glares at
CHRISTOPHER LEE.

SAMUEL L. MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON
Normally, both of you would be dead
as fucking fried chicken by now, but
since I’m in a transitional period,
I don’t want to kill either one of
your asses.

 

Comments

  1. “I only wish George Lucas would hand over his script to someone talented, who would then rewrite the crap he spits out. Also, I wish he would sit his ass down somewhere on his ranch, and let someone talented direct the movies as well.”

    Exactly. My friend Dan is a Star Wars freak. Loves everything about it. And he refuses to even HEAR anything bad about George Lucas.

    Ramanan, I’d have to agree that Attack of the Clones was better than Spiderman. But, then again, I didn’t like Spiderman.

    On the flip side, have you seen Kill Bill Vol. II yet? Perfection!

    Tim

  2. Yeah, Kill Bill II is fucking wicked. I think it may be because Quentin Tarintino is talented. George Lucas seriously has no idea what he is doing anymore. Worse, he’s only going to release he reworked versions of the original three movies. Man he is a dumb-ass.

  3. I tended to agree with all the negative reviews I read about Episode II after watching it. Perhaps I am less forgiving since I’m not really a Star Wars fan. I probably saw the originals fifteen years ago and I remember watching the Droids cartoon so I don’t really have many strong feelings about Star Wars.

    I wanted to like Ep. II but I couldn’t. The movie is all over the place and the dialogue is horrible. Also, rather than characters, plot, or even action, the focus seems to be CG, which doesn’t really make for an interesting movie post-Jurassic Park.

    One review mentioned how if Anakin was actually likeable, then his drift to the Dark Side would actually be compelling. Why Padme (Portman) would marry this guy is beyond me. I think the low point is when he admits to killing ALL the Tuskan raiders, including women and children and she shrugs it off.

    There was also the battle scene where the droids were fighting the clone army. You’d think that for people with aircraft, spaceships, clones and droids, they’d be able to come up with something better than Revolutionary War battle tactics.

    Anyway, there are good ideas in the movie, but they need a better writer and director.

  4. Loved your script rewrite, Ramanan, made me laugh! Man talking about Star Wars, this is pretty passe, isn’t it? I HATE the new ones and LOVE the old ones, and I think it mostly has to do with the shift away from the character relations and towards the computer graphics. It’s why Empire Strikes back will always be the best movie of the series, it had the most involving character development. Ep I was so dull I almost fell asleep and II is right behind it in the snooze factor. The hype of Yoda’s fighting skills was a great disappointment, so the muppet can dance, big deal. I really, really miss actual sets with live actors in costumes. Even the claymation segment of Luke (or it might have been Han) riding on the Ton Ton (or whatever it was called) had a better affect then the latest computer graphics, for me at least, as it has depth and light/shadows.

  5. I’ve been toying with the idea of fixing those horrible scripts since Episode 1 came out. Instead of taking on the project by myself I thought I’d hear other people’s input on what worked and what needs to be scrapped. Come help at http://starwarsrewrite.forumer.com/.

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