A painting of me

Me: So … my bill is really expensive.
Her: Sucks.
Me: What the deal with the system access fee?
Her: Well, we don’t charge it anymore, but if you change your plan to one of our new ones you’ll end up paying more to match the features on your old plan.
Me: Oh, I see. So … can you let me know when my contract ends.
Her: July 2011.
Me: And what’s the early cancelation fee on my account?
Her: $200.
Me: That’s great. And if I want to keep my number the company I switch to needs to cancel the contract on my behalf?
Her: Yes. Are you thinking of switching because of all our stupid fees?
Me: No shit, Sherlock.
Her: Well, even though I implied you were shit out of luck previously, I was kind of lying.
Me: Why am I not surprised.
On the phone with a Fido Customer Support lady.

My bill is now a shocking $12 less. And I lost unlimited call forwarding (they charge for that now?) and visual voice mail in the process. Our entrenched telecom companies kind of suck—a lot. I think i’ll try and speak to a real retention person at some point.


  1. Did you actually say no shit sherlock?

  2. See if you can find the direct number for retentions.

    I know Rogers has one, which I’ve utilized heavily :)

    If you think about cutting features when you talk to retentions, see if they’ll comp you those features, but only after trying to get them to comp features you really need.

  3. Krishna, what do you think?

    Jason, I think there are direct numbers over on Howards Forum. I’m still inclined to switch outright the moment Wind has a phone i’m interested in. You shouldn’t have to pull all sorts of shit like this to get a good price for your cell phone service. I’ve been paying them a shit load of money for the past year. You think they’d be more inclined to keep me around.

  4. Aren’t the ridiculous fees a side effect of getting a heavily subsidized phone?

    I’m not defending the carriers, the long term fees are definitely ridiculous, but the cost of that phone has to come from somewhere.

  5. Shima’s plan is still stupid expensive and her phone is unlocked, and she’s not on a contract. They are charging you stupid money because they can. I think there isn’t anywhere else in the world with 3 year contracts.

    I (was) paying them $90 a month. Unless my phone’s secretly made of gold I think Fido is scamming me. My guess is the retention plans are closer to what they can be comfortably charging.

  6. Ah, right. When I was running some quick numbers the basic voice plans seemed about where they’d have to be to take care of the cost of a phone.

    Data plans do seem to be where the majority of the gouging takes place.

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